Better by Wanda Hall Carter

Author:Wanda Hall Carter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Charisma House
Published: 2017-11-24T05:00:00+00:00

Confrontations

As a part of the process, the question always arises of whether or not you should confront the person who wounded you. I have worked with women who were molested in the past. I hear dialogue such as, “I never want to see them again my entire life,” or, “I want to see them one more time, just to give them a piece of my mind.” For some, confronting the person who hurt them gives them an opportunity for retaliation. It is seen as a way to get back. Every thought, every hurt, every broken place is verbalized. This gives leeway for blame as well. Often blame is thought to relinquish hurt. Very seldom, however, is this truly the case. For others, confronting the one who wounded them takes them back to a place of fear. Instead of using the confrontation as a platform to propel them forward, it instead freezes them and causes them to revert back to their places of brokenness.

I wrestled with these questions myself. Should I confront those who hurt me? Should I make a very deliberate attempt to bring resolution to unanswered questions: Why? What were you thinking? Why did you think it was OK to handle my feelings so carelessly? Will my attempt to connect be met with denial, which would only tick me off further, or will it be met with an apology, which, in my head, I desperately needed? Not because it would change anything, but just so that I could have it, so that I would know that I received an apology, like a precious present you have been waiting for and hinting about. It took me time to realize this would not change the hurt. It would not change the decisions that were made. It would not change the way things ended up, nor would it turn back the hands of time, but I would at least have it.

Confronting those who have wounded us can provide a sense of confidence, a resignation announcing that those individuals no longer have power over you, nor are you afraid. Whether to confront those who hurt you is something that you must decide through prayer. What is your purpose behind the confrontation? What will be accomplished from speaking with that particular person?

Confronting the one who wounded you is not a requirement. The hard work is actual forgiveness, not confrontation. Time does not heal wounds; forgiveness does. The larger, more important concept may not be that of confrontation but clemency.

In his book on forgiveness, Charles Stanley says confrontation and “confessing our forgiveness to someone who has not first solicited our forgiveness usually causes more problems than it solves.”1 In many cases those whom we seek to forgive may be living their lives unaware of their offenses. This lack of awareness on their part can create even more anger on your part. It is important to be certain that you have forgiven that person in your heart first and that, if you decide to confront, you are willing to allow the confrontation to be more than just words.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.